it just breaks my heart.

"He saved me... in every way that a person can be saved." - Titanic

And now, that his little puppy-dog face is sad,

I just can't take it.

I just want to hug him and make everything better.

I want to punch whomever/whatever is upsetting him.

I wish I could fix everything for him.

Tear.

Poor Mr. Chivalrous. :(

to the first person to make me better without changing me at all.

I'm going to go all sappy-girl on you in this letter; if I told you in person I'd probably cry and that's gross.
I just need you to know that you're wonderful:

When you got home from your mission, I kind of forced you to be my friend. And since you are a kind person, you didn't argue. I can't even tell you how grateful I am for that.

I hadn't been a good person for a long time. I was negative and cynical and selfish. And you just patted me on the head and lived your life. Soon enough, I started to notice how you spent your time and the choices you made. I saw how selfless you were and how responsible you were. I learned to trust you.

Which is pretty much the hardest thing for me to do -- trust people. But, time and again you proved that your actions matched your words. That you would follow through. I didn't trust myself, but I trusted you. I appreciate that you have opinions and goals; I appreciate that you don't ever conform for anyone. Because for pretty much my whole life, conforming is all I've done.

You taught me that my thoughts and feelings matter, because you always listened to my rants and took my side even though I am irrational and melodramatic. [And let's face it, usually in the wrong.]

For the first time in a long time, I feel happy. And I know most of that stems from the example that you've been to me. You are a lovely person and I'll continue to randomly show up on your doorstep with cookies, because you really have taught me to accept myself, to feel God's love, and to be better. And I owe you.

Also, I will totally beat down anyone for you because they're stupid and deserve it.

a second chance.

Wild Geese -- Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees

For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.

You only have to let the soft animal of your body

love what it loves.

Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.

Meanwhile the world goes on.

Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain

are moving across the landscapes,

over the prairies and the deep trees,

the mountains and the rivers.

Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,

are heading home again.

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,

the world offers itself to your imagination,

calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting --

over and over announcing your place

in the family of things.

This has been my favorite poem for a long time now.

Tonight I was driving home from a very fun evening and was thinking about how far I've come in the last few months.

I've traveled the spectrum of emotion over and over again and still, I am startled by happiness. Startled by confidence.

Tonight I danced and jumped and dove-in face first. I laughed and I counted the things I'm looking forward to. I won.

Back in January this poem was all that kept me going. I simply have to allow myself to love what I love. I have to let the world turn and imagine better things.

Today I consciously saw progress. I looked in the mirror and smiled. I felt funny again. I saw my personality.

I've dreamt of today; of overcoming sorrow and trials. But today wasn't a dream -- it was finally real.

I have prayed for a day when I would be excited about life again.

And it is here.

"To every thing there is a season; and a time to every purpose under heaven.

A time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance.

He hath made every thing beautiful in his time..." - Ecclesiastes 3:1,4,11

because we all love sara and crying.

"Tell me why it will be good again.
All those demons are closing in.
And I don't want you to burn.
Nevermind what I said before;
I don't want any less anymore...


I wouldn't need a second chance."

grey's anatomy.

why are you the worst show ever made?

i just cry and cry.

i connect and i feel.

and then you just kill everyone!

ugh. i hate that i love you.

"I had a talk with myself about that;
turns out I'm okay with it." - Prom

taylor-written messages to boys that i know.

"You come away with a great little story, of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you." - Cold as You

"He can't see the smile I'm faking and my heart's not breaking 'cause I'm not feeling anything at all." - The Way I Loved You

"I brace myself for the goodbye 'cause it's all I've ever known." - Mine

"He will try to take away my pain, and he just might make me smile but the whole time I'm wishing he was you instead." - Haunted

"I'll keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are. I hope it's nice where you are, and I hope the sun shines and it's a beautiful day, and something reminds you, you wish you had stayed. You can plan for a change in the weather and time, but I never planned on you changing your mind... All that I know is I don't know how to be something you miss." - Last Kiss

"Do you have anything here besides Mexican food?"
- The Three Amigos

my husband is the best.

Today I was crazy in the biggest sense of the word. I was sick to my stomach, nervous beyond belief, and extra self-conscious. It was like being on my period but forty thousand times worse because it wasn't explainable.

There was literally no reason to be stressed out.

So I started making up reasons; making it all the more horrible.

Anyway, I'm frantic and near-tears all day and at the end of my shift my sweet, sweet work-husband told me:

"Wifey, when we get home I'm going to put all the kids to bed and I'm going to make you a candlelit dinner. And we, we're going to have a night to ourselves."

And even though it was a complete joke, and we're not even dating, it was all I needed to hear.

My panicked little heart calmed down. (Okay, I maybe almost lost it and started crying happy tears.) My breathing returned to normal and all was well.

Sometimes we just need a fake, at-work husband to remind us that life isn't as awful as our minds would have us believe.