piles and piles of love.

snow is my favorite thing.

and today, the heavens opened and slowly dumped inches of beauty from the sky.

it isn't even the kind that melts in twelve hours.

it is beautiful, ideal-for-snowmen perfection.

it fell slowly, but steadily.

visibility wasn't far, but the roads were clear enough.

and all of these just seemed like a metaphor to me.

i keep thinking that this winter is an outline for romance.

i got the feeling today that i won't be single for much longer.

someone must have poisoned my water to make me fathom such a grandiose idea, but it was there. and it has stuck.

this "omen" of sorts, telling me that good things are coming. that they'll be gradual, but that it will be layed on thick. and it will stay.

there is no guarantee of forever, and i certainly wont know what is coming next. but i'll see just far enough ahead to feel safe and happy and excited.

the snow of 2013, has me full of butterflies.

dream boy.

i have been in two relationships. each lasted exactly two months from first date to break-up.
both of these boys were outgoing and funny.
both liked to cook.
both had hoards of friends.
both of them had dreams and ambitions within reach. -- both of them worked hard to make them come true.
both treated me with respect.
both spoke of marriage and futures, and both made plans.
each is a good person and each deserve beauty and love and happiness.

dream boy is different.

dream boy is quiet, he is a wallflower.
dream boy teases me, but never mocks.
dream boy does not seek attention.
dream boy listens and observes.
dream boy accepts compliments graciously, but never seeks them out.
dream boy opens doors for everyone, all the time, no matter what.
dream boy makes me feel safe.
dream boy always says thank you.
dream boy never returns animosity.
dream boy offers assistance and helps even when i deem it unnecessary.
dream boy inspires me and encourages me.

dream boy is different.

he isn't mine. he may never be.
but he has done more good for my heart than anyone else in the world.

i'd like him to be the third. the one who breaks all the patterns. the snow that doesn't melt so quickly.

it just breaks my heart.

"He saved me... in every way that a person can be saved." - Titanic

And now, that his little puppy-dog face is sad,

I just can't take it.

I just want to hug him and make everything better.

I want to punch whomever/whatever is upsetting him.

I wish I could fix everything for him.

Tear.

Poor Mr. Chivalrous. :(

goodnight.

The last year of my life was exceptionally awful, so tonight on the eve of my 22nd birthday, I let off a floating lantern. With it, left the past. I sent all my feelings of regret and sorrow and hurt.

Tomorrow night, I'll send off a second with a wish for the future. A wish to find love and happiness in every moment of my life. A wish to bring that same love and happiness to all I meet. A wish for change and improvement.

Hopefully Flynn Rider will be by my side tomorrow.