the first note he gave me was folded inside a birthday card. it was a letter, really.
he listed everything he liked about me. at the end of the list he wrote, "i guess i just took the long way to tell you that i love you."
those three words were supposed to be good news, but they stabbed me. because i couldn't say them back.
my whole life, love seemed like this euphoric, magical feeling where the heavens opened and you flew. maybe it is like that for some people.
when i read them i cried. in the following days, each time he'd say it it stung more. there was swearing and praying and even more tears.
because how could he love me.
for ten days he said those words. my silence didn't stop him. he loved me. he knew it. he didn't need to hide it or wait for the "right time."
he told me he wanted to marry me. that he would spend his life ensuring my happiness. that he couldn't promise a perfect future, but that he wanted me to be his, forever.
he said all these things even though i was silent.
part of me was scared to promise the same. part of me was scared i'd have to say it to someone else someday.
mostly i was unsure that what i was feeling was indeed love. but in those ten days i've learned that:
love is 90% being the right person,
10% finding the right person.
i learned that love is a choice.
love isn't blind; i know his faults, i see his weaknesses. but i choose to look past them. i choose to help strengthen them.
love isn't on a time-table; it doesn't always come at first sight or hit you like a bus.
love is happiness. love is security. love is patience. love is practical and a bit reckless. love is full of possiblities. love is given and recieved.
it took me a while to accept love.
but once i accepted the word from that boy, it was the easiest word to give away.
