growing up.

I keep seeing pieces of you. In the laughter of old friends. In the kindness of strangers. I feel your strength pushing me to overcome fears.

There is so much comfort in feeling you near. I can sense your close presence and it's the most bitter/sweet feeling. Bitter because you're still unknown and distant. Sweet because this familiarity gives me hope.

Years ago I said that I was already falling in love with you, even though we had never met. Today, I felt that rush once again. This overwhelming trust that you exist and are in a similar place, even if it isn't the same as me. I appreciate this notion that you're already here.

I wish occasionally, that the future were here and we were together. But today I became thankful for the time I still have left. I appreciate the blessing of opportunity; I can still change and grow into the woman you deserve. I pray for time to become everything I want to give you.

Divorce is my biggest fear, and lately it seems that even the strongest of couples are choosing it. But lately, I've been filled with faith that my life can be different if I choose to make it so. I'm in charge; now that I'm taking down that tall, protective wall, I am seeing these little pieces of you come in through the cracks.

And I adore everything that I see. I adore you -- the man I haven't met.

The husband that I will someday call mine.


I may have to be patient for several more years or several more months, but either way I hope that I continue to use the time I'm given for improvement. Not for clinging to disappointments of the past or fear of future heartache. I hope that I focus on the growth of myself and the service of others.

You are my every birthday wish and my daily motivation. You may be somewhere else or with someone else today, but someday you'll be mine.