Girl.

I've watched this 400 times. It is so accurate. Work has been so stressful lately and it is all I can do to not be all 

"GIRL???"

to everyone who needs anything from me.

As hard as it is to adjust to all of the changes, there is something so gratifying about leaving work knowing that I made significant progress. It is a great feeling to know that you have done your best. And even the days when things fall through the crack, you always have tomorrow.

After working late every night last week, I left Friday all

"GIRL!!!"

We had a busy weekend. Nathan's family came into town which is always my favorite. We went to Bear Lake and celebrated his grandparent's 60th wedding anniversary. So much of me wanted to curl up in bed and sleep, but ironically staying busy recharged me even more. I'm actually excited to tackle another week.

For the next few weeks, Nathan's brother will be staying with us while he gets ready to go up to BYU-I. Girl! You know what that means! 

All the single ladies should stop by for a visit and "casually" meet him. I'm just saying. We could be family. Unless you're a creep, then no thanks.

oh, hey.

So, it's been like four months. I made a flow chart so that we can catch up:

#nerdalert

It's so good to be here again surrounded by all of you lovelies! Over here we've just been enjoying every ounce of summer we can -- swimming, camping, baseball games, hiking, and of course grilling! 

We also just bought new bikes and I'm hoping the weather stays good so that we can enjoy them before the frozen tundra strikes again. Idaho weather is just so awesome.

I have also been getting used to a recent promotion. There is something just so amazing about learning and stretching ourselves. I definitely have my work cut out for me, but I am loving this challenge.

Be looking for upcoming posts: my current obsessions (music, television, food, etc.,) dream fulfilling, and knocking out the rest of my summer bucketlist!

So tell me, what are your plans for the rest of summer??

on knowledge.

{via}

Lately, I've really been struggling with this whole "I know better" guilt. 

I know that I should eat healthier. I know that I should work-out more. I know that I should keep the house clean. I know that I can be a better wife. I know that I can wake up earlier. I know that I can work harder at my job. I know, I know, I know.

So I have all this guilt for the things I'm not doing. I don't do them because I have this constant fear of not being good enough. And then I drown those feelings with more laziness and food. And that my friends, is the vicious cycle I am in.

I have this ache to paint and write and run and sing and bake and LIVE.

I just don't because I have convinced myself that I'm not good enough to find happiness in those things.

As if I have to be perfect at a task to enjoy it.

I feel this suffocating demand to be without flaw, and I know I'll never live up to that so I fall back on the knowledge that I will fail at perfection.

So why try.

But even here, I know better. I know that it is not perfection that is asked of me or of you or of anyone.

Improvement is all that is expected.

I have this text-message urgency to have everything now and reach the future now and be prepared now and have all my problems solved now.

The future isn't now. I know that too.

Knowledge isn't always what it seems. The truth is, knowledge can be crippling.

Truth seems like freedom when you don't have it.

But when you do, it comes with expectations. I just wanted to go on a cruise, but I have an expectation to run the ship.

Life isn't a vacation. I keep trying to take a vacation FROM MY LIFE, but you can't. Life follows you wherever you go. Responsibility, expectations, and structure call to you each and every Monday.

It is not a hard life, but sometimes living it is hard.

I know that I should do better, but I don't know if I can be better. I hope I can. I want to be. But that is something I just don't know.

I see my feet slip-up and my steps get shaky, and instead of working to regain my balance, I jump off the cliff. As if I meant to do it in the first place.

No one can judge me if they think I chose this. No one can make me feel bad if I make myself feel worse first.

But, then there was a break-through.

Bonnie L Oscarson spoke to me this week. (To thousands of other women too, but really to me.) I have emotionally craved this lesson for months. Her solution to all of my stresses and worries and fears came in eight words.

"Aim for the ideal but plan for contingencies."

This is my new mantra. All week I have repeated this over and over and over in my head. I can learn to accept contingencies. I can move beyond the ideal of perfection and find happiness even when things don't go according to plan.

I can get through these struggles. I can overcome. I can be better.

{via}