growth.

i gave up on love. i gave up on marriage.

it wasn't because i was old or tired of waiting, it was because i had been hurt. i had been lied to. i had been disappointed and tossed aside like garbage.

and they're not supposed to hurt you -- words. but they do.

words that go unsaid, they hurt.
words that are said insincerely, they hurt.
promises that are issued without thought and then broken, they hurt.

and through all that hurt it seemed impossible.

it seemed impossible that a boy existed who just wanted me to be happy. (not just make me laugh or entertain me, but to make and keep me happy every second of every day.)

it seemed too much to ask for a boy to care about my day.

it seemed there would never be a boy who listened.

i felt incredible. i felt deserving. i felt funny and attractive and relatively intelligent.
but i didn't believe that there could ever be a boy who saw all of that and my flaws and wanted to keep it.

no matter what the future held, i was certain that i was stuck with me.
i can never escape this body. i can change my name and looks and location, but this body and soul, they are mine.

and so i made myself into a version i was am proud of. i worked hard physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally.

i worked on me. and that's when everything changed. i wasn't looking for someone to complete me or say the right thing around every corner. i wasn't looking for an elusive puzzle piece. i was more than content, i had created happiness.

i made myself into someone better, and then i got someone who was better.

“The fact that you’re struggling doesn’t make you a burden. It doesn’t make you unloveable or undesirable or undeserving of care. It doesn’t make you too much or too sensitive or too needy. It makes you human. Everyone struggles. Everyone has a difficult time coping, and at times, we all fall apart. During these times, we aren’t always easy to be around — and that’s okay. No one is easy to be around one hundred percent of the time. Yes, you may sometimes be unpleasant or difficult. And yes, you may sometimes do or say things that make the people around you feel helpless or sad. But those things aren’t all of who you are and they certainly don’t discount your worth as a human being. The truth is that you can be struggling and still be loved. You can be difficult and still be cared for. You can be less than perfect, and still be deserving of compassion and kindness.”

—	Daniell Koepke

the tweet of life stories.

subtitle: because you have to keep up with brissa and shaylynn.

my parents have a child for every form of birth control they ever tried. i was the last and the seventh, but i was intentional. this means that i have an unrealistic view on my importance as a human being.

as a child I made dance videos with my friend kelli. i messed up a lot and she yelled at me. this was the end of my dancing career. but i do know the hoedown throwdown and will show that off any chance I get.

up until high school, my mother forced me to endure permed hair but never let me in on the secret that brushes and perms don’t mix. picture a frizzy, triangular mess with loads of acne and you have every school picture of me from 1996 to 2004.

during high school I met friends that brought me down to earth in the best way – through laughter and sarcasm. i dated the prom king for like a week; even i’m not sure how that happened. he was my first kiss. i was half-asleep and didn’t realize he had kissed me until it was over. pure magic.

in college i perfected my cookie baking skills. i also skipped class a lot and so here i am, 23 and barely about to get my associate’s degree. power through, kids!

i recently started dating a boy who terrifies me in a good way. he's disgustingly nice. i was fully awake for our first kiss.

here’s to flat irons and conditioner.