when your life becomes gilmore girls.

they told me, over and over again that this was it.

but i kept telling myself that everyone leaves.
that it isn't real.

i guess, someone sees you so vulnerable and it's hard to imagine they'll see you in any other way.
that even though you've changed and grown, that they'll only remember your tear-stained face in the corner.

but then he does stay.
and he tells me i'm beautiful.

and i just can't.

there is no reason for it.

i should be in love with the person in front of me. the person offering forever.

but i'm not.

and it breaks my heart that i can't give him this one thing when he has given me everything.

church christmas dinner.

pouring rain.

wet shoes climbing a ladder.

heavy box overhead, while descending a ladder.

prayers that if i fall and die someone will find me soon.

safe landing.

wondering why i still haven't bought new windshield wipers.

u-turn for teeth brushing; wouldn't want dream boy to suffer.

bff jill saves the day.

psycho yells at me.

meet gaze with dream boy and ignore her.

people thinking i'm in charge.

happy about sitting under the chandelier. 

sad that dream boy is in another room.

peppermint dessert to die for.

hiding upstairs to have secret conversations.

spontaneous duet.

nearly choking on a cough drop.

frequent eye contact with dream boy.

bishop telling us to focus on perfecting ourselves.

distracted by the perfect ornaments and twinkling lights.

SANTA.

skinny santa?

lots of girls vying for dream boy's attention.

i throw a napkin at his head. [see above.]

he comes to me.

bff jill and flyza conveniently leave us alone. wink.

sporadic cleaning.

muscles and chest hair.

subtly following dream boy back inside.

watching psycho corner and interrogate him.

appreciating that he is so polite.

knowing i'll never jump in and save him because she'd probably yell at me again.

marveling at christmas decorations from tai pan.

wanting to steal the peppermint dessert.

awkward laughing at random boy's "jokes".

walking between psycho and dream boy to interrupt and say goodbye. [and get attention.]

he kicks me.

daydreaming all the way home.

crying.