Let's pretend for a moment that I have the laziest dog in the world. I can, in good faith, strap a leash to his collar and drag him up the stairs, through the front door, and up and down the sidewalk for 2 hours a day.
But the thing is, if he never actually walks, if I have to keep literally dragging him everywhere, he'll never make any progress. I'm trying to help him. I want my puppy to be healthy and I know walking will make him happier. So I drag him around and around for his own good.
But the dog still has to walk.
I'm just holding the tether.
In marriage you have your own brain. You make the choice to grow. You make the choice to progress. You have to choose. And so do they.
I can guide my husband around a puddle, I can offer advice. Sometimes he will pull me faster than I planned on going. Sometimes he'll hold me back from acting too spontaneously. And ideally, I'll do the same for him when it's appropriate.
We have freedoms, ideas, dreams, and choices to be made as individuals. The leash is useless if we sit there and cry and pout while they drag us around the front yard. It just wears them out. Sure, my husband has to pull me around every once in a while; I'm not perfect. That's the luxury of a partnership. It just can't BE the entire partnership.
We cannot progress together, unless we also work as individuals.
I have to walk. He has to walk. We have to communicate which direction we want to head. If I suddenly switch directions and he isn't ready or okay with that, we could lose grasp of the leash. I have control only over my own actions. I have to be willing to move or we won't get anywhere. He only has control over his actions. He can try to drag me around, but eventually he'll exhaust all of his energy and we'll both be stuck.
Teamwork succeeds only when individual players are doing their best to win. Marriage isn't a safety net. It's not a backup plan or a horse-drawn carriage into the sunset.
It's promising simply that you'll stick together while you climb this mountain. So make the choice to actually climb. You'll have sore muscles, blisters, and bruises but you'll also see sunrise after sunrise of beauty and magic if you simply improve as individuals toward the same goal.
Be better. Try harder. Encourage your spouse, but remember you can't force them. They are who they choose to be. You can only choose to be better yourself.
