oh, hey.

So, it's been like four months. I made a flow chart so that we can catch up:

#nerdalert

It's so good to be here again surrounded by all of you lovelies! Over here we've just been enjoying every ounce of summer we can -- swimming, camping, baseball games, hiking, and of course grilling! 

We also just bought new bikes and I'm hoping the weather stays good so that we can enjoy them before the frozen tundra strikes again. Idaho weather is just so awesome.

I have also been getting used to a recent promotion. There is something just so amazing about learning and stretching ourselves. I definitely have my work cut out for me, but I am loving this challenge.

Be looking for upcoming posts: my current obsessions (music, television, food, etc.,) dream fulfilling, and knocking out the rest of my summer bucketlist!

So tell me, what are your plans for the rest of summer??

found on my computer. [remember how i love gnomes?]

The following was found this evening while clearing up memory on my computer, for no other reason than I was waiting for a load of laundry to finish. I don't remember when I wrote this, or that I even had, but my mind cracks me up. Perhaps, novel material. ;) Ha!

------------------


As most men do, he was not living up to his potential. I met him as he was riding on the back of a turtle-- an attempt to speed up his journey. It takes an awfully lazy creature to determine that a turtle is faster than their own two feet. Gnomes are rather boring creatures; that is, with exception to their phenomenal arguing skills. Being wrong is never an option for a gnome. In that way, they’d make great lawyers.


As a young girl I was taught that men were chivalrous and I was to be distressed and waiting for their help. Then I grew up, and learned that at least the second part was true. It seemed situations always got the better of me. Yet, there was still engrained within my soul, hope that perhaps my mother was right about men.


This hope should have been shattered when I learned that my prince was in fact charming, but was only that way so as to distract me from his thieving and lying. My hope should have been erased when I learned that my husband was responsible for my father’s death. Certainly, my hope in the goodness of men should have been taken when I was kidnapped by a small army of them.


Despite the world sending me signal after signal that my mother had lied to me, I still hoped. I was sitting on the muddy ground, chained to a towering oak tree when I exercised my faith in men one last time. I weakly called out to the gnome, slowly trotting by on his turtle.


“Sir,” my voice trembled at first, “Sir, could you please help me?”


“Bah! Can’t you see I’m in a great hurry? It is none of my worry that you got yourself tangled up in misfortune. I see no reason to put a hold on my journey, and wrap myself in your troubles.”


Seeing this slothful maggot would be of no use to me, I directed my next words toward the turtle. “Mighty fine traveler you have there. I do hope you charge extra to listen to his delightful ramblings.”


The turtle stopped for a moment and nodded in my direction. A man of few words; I liked that.


The gnome was not about to be ignored, “Missy, I suspect that tongue of yours is precisely the reason you’re stuck to that tree. Perhaps the wolves will take it off your hands; if you stay here long enough, you’ll find out. Then again, they may not be able to stop at eating your tongue. Hungry creatures, wolves are.” The chubby little man chuckled a little too hard and nearly fell off his perch.


As he collected himself I grasped a tiny little pebble and flicked it directly into his forehead. Although it was smaller than a button on his shirt, it knocked him off the turtle.


I should warn you to never attack a gnome when you are not in a position to run away. The wretched little thing bit my toe, and much like when a piece of parchment slices the top of your finger, I could feel nothing but excruciating pain.


The awful thing then climbed atop my leg and although he was hardly taller than my longest finger, managed to make my insides turn in the most awful way. I became instantly fearful for my life; there is nothing like being locked in place to make a tiny person seem awfully large and menacing.


“You silly little girl,” he cried as he made his way shakily up to my knee, “never attack a man who is on vacation. He’ll have much more energy to fight back when his mind is not bogged down with other things.” He placed his stubby arms on his hips and tapped his foot. He seemed to be waiting for an apology.

apparently.

if you go to fred meyer's and buy flowers and ice cream,
the coupon machine thinks you are on your period.
they would be correct.
just in case you are a man, they also throw in a coupon for batteries.

just because you have a suspicious bruise and a sprained ankle that seems to not be healing, it does not mean you have leukemia.

a love for all things lime, does not erase your fear of fruit being an ingredient in dessert.
key lime pie is still my favorite flavor of yogurt, even though i don't care for the real thing.

garden gnomes do not clean your bedroom while you're away.
lazy bums.

swimming is the only* available activity during the summer.
heaven forbid we should be creative.
*note: heavy sarcasm.

the sno cone shack girl will make you a large sno cone when you ordered a medium.
but she'll only charge you for a medium and give you several coupons as an apology.
don't you just hate it when you get more than you deserve?
"it's like, i don't even care what happens the rest of the day." -- himym

and apparently, sunshine yellow and tiffany blue nail polish do not exist. rude.

well-balanced diet.

my dinner tonight consisted of tortilla chips, 2 egg rolls, a sleeve of oreos and a handful of starbursts.

i'm going to make a fan-freaking-tastic mother one day.

oh, utah.

draper chuck-a-rama.
nicknamed up-chuck a-rama since i forgot that i was allergic to potatoes for thirty seconds and consumed them.

baby poop explosion. outfit change. "that's a lot of patterns for one little boy."

"it's either king burger or burger king... i think it's king burger. but we went there."

7/11 slurpees.

family reunion.
grandma didn't recognize me even though she spent a week at my house last month.
grandma saying that uncle kevin was an ugly baby and that my mom cried all the time.

my introduction speech consisting of "I'm Kari. I'm 22. And my husband is off becoming a billionaire. He hasn't met me yet, but he's excited."

humanitarian center tour. guilt trips all around. prayers of gratitude shared all day.

best sloppy joes of my life. aunt julie is a mad chef.

lots of kissing on this face:

driving past lagoon what seemed like fourteen times a day -- breaking my heart a little each time.

target in every city along the way.

late-night talks in harmon's.

wits and wagers. worst game ever made.

hangry's.

tie thieving for free donuts.

proof that even the most dreadful of places can be magical if you have the right company.

lets all go to lagoon on July 28th. Okay? Perfect.

animal.

i feel like i should be sad for my bff jill that John Tucker took a break from her, but the last two days with her have been so fun. i'm really about to cry at the thought of how much i love that girl. we're planning a double wedding because we both know i'll die if i don't get married at the same time as her.

people do not bash t swift in my house. no no no. she is on a throne -- you don't have to like her music but you must respect her.

hello, attractive man at the dance tonight who told me and bff jill that we looked wonderful. you are at the top of my favorite list today.

applebees, your food sucks. why do i forget this? also, the waitress you gave me tonight was not impressive. the first time in my life that i did not leave a good tip.
the entire staff of texas roadhouse was there tonight and in uniform. i found this more funny than it was.

don't leave your camera unattended. i will take pictures of myself and others. i do not apologize to the stranger whose camera i obtained this evening.

i could high-five this girl who is always wearing giant English hats every day. every day. church too. you truly inspire me to embrace my quirks.
"You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves." - Mary Oliver


line dancing will always be my activity of choice. cupid shuffle. cha cha slide. i love them all.

my lovely friend cut my hair today. she gave me texas hair. it was amazing.
now i need to watch gcb.

tomorrow i get to meet zac efron. mmm mmm mmm.

i just have a lot of feelings...

Sometimes I forget that Josh Hutcherson will not fall in love with me. You don't need to remind me; if you try, I will eat you.

Sometimes I need to eat seven desserts in one sitting because I'm hormonal.

Sometimes I don't understand how nerd/blacklight can be considered a dance theme. I will dress accordingly anyway.

Sometimes I play board games with the sole purpose of making sure that that one obnoxious person loses.

Sometimes I get embarrassed for the guy in my ward who tried to pull a "John Tucker" using almost every line straight from the movie. Originality, that one has.

Sometimes I get the urge to garden and the urge to knit in the same moment and realize how quickly I am becoming an 80-year-old woman.

Sometimes I want to pee my pants when my BFF Jill tells me she bought me a birthday sash and tiara to wear when Zac Efron falls in love with me.

Sometimes I learn that eating four more pieces of licorice is not an adequate substitute for brushing my teeth.

Sometimes I stay up till five in the morning and then want to shoot myself when I remember that my BFF Jill is going to make me go to zumba in three hours.

Sometimes I love when my weekend starts early. Okay, all the time I love that.